Scroggins Crosswired Local News - May/June 1999

Breaking News Almost as Weird as Reality

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DATE

HEADLINE (click the date for news story you want to see)

June 30, 1999

Radio station to sponsor boxing match between mayoral candidates

June 29, 1999

Developers withdraw Zebulon Road rezoning request, construct mote around corporate office

June 28, 1999

Total vote count key to election results

June 28, 1999

Burgamy unoffically announces candidacy for Macon mayor

June 28, 1999

Reporters inject race, dirt and innuendo into mayoral race

June 25, 1999

General W.T. Sherman causes state tax refund delays

June 24, 1999

Mayor Marshall's offhand comments may bring host of criminal charges

June 23, 1999

City escapes peril of tax cut by narrow 12-1 vote

June 23, 1999

Warner Robins officials defeat proposed death penalty for littering

June 22, 1999

Wilkinson officials consider law requiring nude dancing

June 21, 1999

Dillard check bouncing part of Democratic conspiracy to draft Mabel Jones

June 14-18

Crosswired Local News will not be available June 14-18; will resume June21

June 11, 1999

Tony Caldwell launches 'draft Mabel Jones for GOP Mayor' citizen's petition

June 10, 1999

Centreplex receives heavy artillery and aerial strafing from budget panel

June 10, 1999

Local cops shoot holes in Schumer gun report

June 9, 1999

Georgia named leading criminal supplier of peanuts, peaches and guns

June 8, 1999

Gigantic horde enters race for Macon mayor, council seats

June 7, 1999

Macon council wields chainsaws on department budgets

June 4, 1999

Midstate left off powerful transportation board; Governor says 'buzz off'

June 3, 1999

Attack period extended on MATS roads plan

June 2, 1999

School Board: Bloody axe has county commission fingerprints

June 1, 1999

Blaming stench on Riverwood a mid-state tradition

May 31, 1999

City officials call bickering cease-fire during holiday

May 28, 1999

Elementary school site purchased south of Bibb

May 27, 1999

Citizens group: School Board a bunch of incompetent high-roller wastrels

May 26, 1999

Bibb County hikes taxes while blowing smoke about schools

May 25, 1999

Gray Mayor: Besides being chumps, Gray city council held illegal meeting

May 24, 1999

Bibb Schools reverse dunce policy

May 21, 1999

Unification commission has no problem with crowd control

May 20, 1999

Mayoral hopeful Ellis: Crime higher priority than Mom, Flag or Apple Pie

May 19, 1999

City officials: FBI a bunch of bean-counting fibbers

May 18, 1999

Macon considers massive CFC release to fight excessive ozone

May 18, 1999

Mayor Marshall to present 'truly balanced' budget, not 'sorta kinda balanced' budget

May 17, 1999

Local Slave Master Takes Early Retirement including attractive slave package

May 16, 1999

McKinney scores dope for Clinton then lobbies for kaolin probe

May 15, 1999

Bomb rumors part of party scheme for area high schools

May 14, 1999

Bibb School Board announces new dunce policy for grad test failures

May 14, 1999

Gun control bills’ passage proves US Senate members aren’t dummies

May 13, 1999

Bibb officials announce plan to provide housing for county employees

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Disclaimer: The accounts, quotes and stories on this page are wholly fictitious and intended as satire and humor. Although real names may be used and all good humor has an element of truth, this stuff ain't real. If you didn't already know these stories were bogus, then you're not too bright. --Steve Scroggins

Write Your Own Macon News Story

These parodies are frequently featured on the NewsTalk940 WMAC morning show with Kenny & Charles.

Visit the AM940 Morning Show web site

To read the "real" news that inspires these stories, read The Macon Telegraph online.

See Ed Grisamore's 9/29/99 column on these parodies.

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